Okay…so it’s setting in now that Logan has Downs Syndrome.  The thoughts go through my mind…some I share and some I think would be better not mentioning that the thought had crossed my mind.  I started looking at different “Typical families” with the dynamic that I thought would be ours- One sister and two brothers.  Jada, of course doing her hair and trying on about two thousand dresses a day.  Some she doesn’t even change, she just layers them on top of each other until she realizes that she is too hot and comes to the conclusion that it wasn’t maybe the best idea.  And the two boys, Asher and Logan, wrestling on the carpet, throwing a football and competeing for the girls.  I realized that it would be different.  Some moments I’m excited about the Challenge God has placed before me, and then other times…I think that I don’t know if it’s something I can handle.  One of my thoughts I had said was that I don’t want to change a 40 year old’s diapers.  I Don’t want to have a kid the rest of my life…what is Jody and I going to do when everyone is having a blast with the “empty nest syndrome” and we are still going strong with taking care of him.  Now yes, that may not be the best thoughts, the best attitude to have…I am fully aware of that.  But unfortuntly…That’s what I thought, I can’t help it…these are the things that come to mind every now and then.  And then I thought…why am I thinking so far into the future…are we granted tomorrow?  Logan is a baby right now, he is our baby and when he’s forty years old and we are having a laugh together…he is still my Logan.  He won’t be a forty year old man that I have to take care of cause I have to, but it will be about me wanting to.

So many times we start running, we think that it’s the only way to get to the next thing, the next thought.  And I realized that I was tripping over my own feet.  If I put myself ahead of time, I’ll miss the laughs and good times along the way.  I’ll miss opportunities to tell my story because I’m too busy thinking about the next thing.  When Lazarus, Jesus’ best friend, was pronounced dead and Mary and Martha came running to Jesus to tell him that He must come to raise him from the dead.  Jesus took His time getting there.  He took four days to get to Lazarus and along the way He healed and touched people.  If He would have run to the aid of Lazarus, He would have missed the opportunities for a miracle.  To encourage you to just walk, not run through your life.  Enjoy the moments that you have with each other, embrace the mistakes, and know that God knows the Future you have and He will prepare you for those days ahead…but to not let today pass you by because you have your mind on tomorrow.   Hang up your running shoes and enjoy the Life that is before you.

There are so many things that we are learning that I never thought I would have to.  All the different programs from Bright Starts, Champions, Alta Regional, etc, that we are participating in and meeting with.   There are so many.  We have had a lot of different appointments, meetings, and discussions with many different doctors and caretakers.   And we have been very fortunate to love all of them.  But on this particular day…I thought different.

“Let’s talk about School”  Pat Davis shares from Alta Regional, Logan’s Coordinator.  “When he’s ready he can go to school and can be picked up and dropped back off by a Charter bus…”  She said a lot more right here…but I didn’t really hear much more.  I heard that Logan would not be riding the same bus as Jada and Asher.  I heard that Logan was not going to have that memory of riding on the same bus with his siblings as I did.  I heard  that my kids would be going in different directions.

I remember the bus rides like it was yesterday.  The fight for the window seat, the placing of the bag at the end of the seat closest to the aisle so it would look like you were saving the seat, so no one would sit next to you.  The sly moves to eat the leftovers from lunch so the bus driver couldn’t see.  The window rolled down and the air blowing in your face thinking about the note you wish that boy hadn’t seen.  The homework you would cram in so you could just play as soon as your feet hit the ground.  The conversations and debates with the other less fortunate to not have a driver’s license like you.  The complaining of  the teachers assignments and their hair pieces that just don’t fit their heads.  But the thing I remember most was riding with my sister.

Sandy was the most sweet, non confrontational person I’ve ever met.  She was the Peace keeper.  Never hurting a fly.  And on the bus was the beginning of my first long fight.  With tears in her eyes she begins to explain that someone had called her a name in school.  Now mind you…this name was “dork”, although not an extremely upsetting horrible name…it hurt Sandy.  And if you hurt her…you’ve messed with me.  The girl happen to not only live in the same neighborhood as us…she road the same bus.  Score!  I was going to make sure that she knew who I was and that she would never pick on my sister again.

Walking up with confidence I calmly said, and with great fear behind my voice…”Hey…I’m Sandy’s sister, you called her a dork today, and if you do that again…you will mess with me, Got it?”  She shook her head, and I confidently walked back to my seat, of course without the bus driver knowing I was up off the seat.  And I felt good.  She was protected and I did my job.

The next day we were loading on the bus and this rather intimidating large girl who was a grade older than me, came up to me.  “I’m Rachel’s sister, the girl you said you were going to mess with…yeah…I’m her sister and if you mess with her…you mess with me, Got it?”  The bus rides were never the same.  This Junior would gather her friends tell jokes and snicker as they laughed at me.  I would feel a paper ball hit me in the back of the head.  But I could hold my own.  It’s all part of memories.  Sandy continued her bus rides and her conversations as if no one had ever called her a name.  It was worth it, cause I did my job.  I protected her.  She didn’t have to worry.

Who is going to do that for Logan?  I know Asher will be there for Jada.  I know that my kids will do the same for each other.  But I want Asher to be able to put an end to any harassing on his younger brother.  That’s what brother do, right?    These are the times it’s hard.  The things you always dream about for your kids and their relationships with one another…you want that to be for all your kids, not just a couple.  They aren’t going to ride the same bus.  They aren’t going to go to the same school. They aren’t going to go to the same classes.  They aren’t going to be playing the same sports.  But…but, they are going to come home to the same house.  They are going to experience the same love and attention.  They are going to share the same memories of our vacations and holidays.  They are going to know the same God that we serve.  It’s all different.  The things that are normal to most families becomes abnormal for us.  But normal can be boring…repetitive…and forseen.  This is not a forseen life…and we are okay with that.  We are okay with that.

We received a phone call of news that is the beginning of an incredible but different journey for us Vaughns. And to take you back to where it all started to gather…here is the story and details about Logan Scout Vaughn. I had suspected something was different about our son Logan on the night he was born….there was something different about his eyes. I had asked the doctor if everything was okay….she said that he’s fine…healthy, nothing to be concerned about. We took him home and I still kept seeing some features that just didn’t seem normal to me. Now if you know my other two kids…Jada and Asher…I’m basically an incubator for my husband Jody. I have reproduced little Jodys and Logan didn’t look like them. I thought okay…maybe I finally had one that looks like me, and that is why he is different looking than his siblings. At his two month appointment the Doctor did her routine check up and was noticing some physical milestones he wasn’t reaching like holding his head up and engaging with his eyes. She mentioned going to a Neurologists, so we set up an appointment seeing why he seemed behind in his development. The Neurologists looked at Logan and said “this baby is perfect, he is a normal baby, 100 percent sure” We were relieved because no one wants anything to be wrong with their child. But he set up some blood work because he said he didn’t want to just blow me off because he believes in a mothers intuition. We got the blood work done and just had to wait. Meanwhile I switched Doctors and was at an appointment for Logan being sick. Mentioning my concerns she said what the other two Doctors had said…He seems fine, but I don’t know. Anxious about the test results I had asked if the Doctor was able to look up the results through the lab that we had gotten the blood drawn at. She said she would check and she’d be right back. My sister and I waited and as we waited my phone kept ringing, and I had this feeling it was Neurologist so I picked it up. “Is this the mother of Logan Vaughn? Doctor would like to see you as soon as possible…would you be able to come in on Monday?” I thought why if everything was okay would I need to be consulted…I asked questions and her answer, “I really am not supposed to tell you over the phone” I said, “It’s okay…we know he’s been tested…I’m okay with the results, I just need to know” She than proceeded with the news that made me weak to the knees, “Your son has Downs Syndrome.” I honestly didn’t know what to do for about 5 minutes. My sister just comforted and I just cried. The Doctor came back in with the results written in paper all the more confirmation that It’s real. And as most Doctors are more cut dry…she started to tell me that we need to get him in asap for a echocardiogram, therapy, consultations and many more words I was foreign to. “Please….I just found out…can I just call you…I’ll make all the appointments I need…I just need a minute”. Now I had suspected this, I had talked to my family and friends questioning “Do you think He has Downs syndrome? Do you see what I see? Doesn’t his eyes look different to you?” But after three Doctors all with no concern I started to believe that maybe it’s just me. Now we are all human, and of course it’s not the news you hope to hear but I wanted to share with you not only the story behind how we found out…but why this phone call is going to change my life in such an amazing way.

God makes no mistakes. His will for our lives is perfect. And I know that Logan Scout Vaughn is going to change my life, my families life and everyone around by just being him. I believe that we are here on this earth for two reasons…to love people and to tell people about God. Jody and I were talking about what holds us back in sharing God’s word and seeing Miracles happen. Lacking Faith and fear. The Bible says that we should have faith like a Child…and Logan will have that faith…and the Fear of rejection, fear of what people will say…Logan won’t care. You see I believe with my whole heart that Logan is going to change lives in such a unique way….he is going to teach us how to love…and to be free. I can’t tell you how blessed I feel to be one of the 400 parents that are entrusted with such a gem. Of course there is fear of the unknown, but we are going to take this one day, one step at a time knowing that this was all in God’s plan. I know that Jada and Asher are already the sweetest little kids and they will embrace this situation when they are old enough to comprehend…they will never know anything different than having an extra special brother. We aren’t thinking that this is going to be a breeze by any means…we know that this was a life altering phone call…but we are embracing it with open arms and are excited about the journey that we are going on! So please know we aren’t needing condolences…it’s totally not a sad thing…but an honor to have this situation come on us. Now join us as we go on this journey of raising Logan with the laughs that we will have, the cries we will share and the memories that we will make.